Breaking Up

How DO you break up with a demon? I'm not talking about that ex you hate so much you think of them as a demon and wonder what the hell you ever saw in them. Nope, literal fire-and-brimstone, incantation to summon from the depths of hell, contract to exchange a portion of yourself for a particular type of power demon.

So yes, technically I'm a witch. No, I never did the dancing naked in the moonlight thing — come on, we live in a city, I’m not giving the pervs on the 20th floor a show. No, the devil orgy thing is a lie too. Dude, what the fuck? Seriously, you taking the European medieval church’s word on this? Aren't you a freaking atheist? And gay? What the hell man.

Well I don't know, the ones I've talked to refuse to answer the question. Closest I've gotten was absolute disgust at the idea and buggering off before I could ask the rest of my questions. Got my sister to stop pushing me to ask though. Yeah, the born-again evangelical one. I don't know, I guess she's not feeling the faith part of it all right now. Look, are you going to help me talk through this or not?

Right, so I've got to break up with this demon. Just the one. Yeah, I'm still talking with the others. What? ‘Cause they're getting pushy and their answers have gone to shit. Like, they're turning into encrypted clues to a freaking metaphor that gets me a reference citation. Yeah, I guess you could call it a customer service issue.

What? No, sorry, my mind just skipped out on me for a second at the thought. Elevate the call? Are you crazy? Do you know who their boss is? … Actually no, I don't know either. Sorry, now I'm making bad assumptions.

Yeah, I guess the slow fade would work. Or, well, I mean, it's a one way calling service, I guess I'm just cutting it off. Bleh. No, no you're right, I just hate getting ghosted in the dating scene and now I'm doing it myself. On the plus side, it'd mean no more buying saffron packets for summoning circles. That shits expensive.

Hey, thank man, really appreciate this. Next round on me, ‘kay?